Road to Nothing


for the present human that understands their inability to look beyond this very minute, and the futile neurosis of staying in the past.

ingredients: honeybush leaves and stems, wild cherry bark, cardamom seeds, calendula flowers, honey granules and granulated ginger

directions: just go for it. steep for up to 6 minutes in boiled water. but really, that doesn’t matter for Road to Nothing, and it’s more about what temperature you want to drink this amazing red tea. don’t worry, there’s no danger for this blend to get bitter, or lose nutrients. why? because any nutrients you’ll get from any tea/tisane is negligible. eat a cabbage or something for that. the rest is snake oil.

Out of stock

this blend is naturally sweet with south the south african honeybush plant and honey granules (uh-huh), pungent with ginger and the inside bark of the cherry tree, while the Indian cardamom seeds add an extra layer of aroma that complements the base notes. what does the calendula flowers do, you ask? well, they give a splash of yellow color to the dominantly reddish blend. also they might cure your vaginal yeast infections. or something.

each Teasturbed canister is also a unique, biodegradable piece of art, created specifically for you after your order by Seattle-based musician and multimedia artist Salome MC, who is also the founder of Teasturbed. (I speak in third person and all, but it's just me. hi.) if you somehow ended up in this page without knowing what the hell I'm talking about, you can go here to learn the story of Teasturbed, and here to get to know my work.

shipping could take up to five business days from the day of the order, since each canister is custom-made for you by a mom of a toddler who has a part-time day job as a video producer, teaches weekly afterschool music programs and also tries to release music into this world in semi-regular intervals.

each Teasturbed blend comes in a sealed plastic bag placed inside the canister. open the bag (duh) and pour the blend in. shake it well before each usage so all the ingredients are distributed evenly, unless you like being on your toes about the surprising flavors of an uneven blend. I don’t. I like predictable and routine.

make your Teasturbed blend a gift by mentioning it in the notes when you’re ordering. Make sure to specify the name of the gift recipient so I can include it in the custom-artwork on the canister!

but I don’t want to brew a whole pot, you say? no problem. get a stainless-steel tea infuser which is the most environment-friendly option! no, I don't have those yet, although I do plan on curating my favorite utensils here at some point. but if you like staying on theme, I do have biodegradable corn fiber teabags so you can have the Teasturbed logo dangling on the side of your cup.

Additional information

Weight 0.15 kg
Dimensions 8.30 × 8.30 × 15.00 cm
FREE Shipping

well, nothing is really free. I just integrated the average cost of shipping in the price to create the illusion of a good deal that the so-called "free shipping" creates. but if you really think about it, free-shipping could actually be a worse deal for the buyer, because you are paying for the “average” shipping cost, while your actual shipping cost could be lower. so yeah, nothing is really free. but we could and should have a single payer healthcare, and can very much afford it if we wage less wars. on a side-note, automation is here to stay, so stop trying to save dead-end jobs and put the energy into UI instead. and make tea, not war.

Refund Policy

all sales are final and no refunds are given at anytime, unless special circumstances arise, like a lost package or something.